Esperanto is so last month

I have been meaning to post for a while on this, but I kept holding off to make sure our plan was really and truly working before talking about it.  Most of you remember when we changed "Gertrude" so that she only gave instructions in Esperanto, and many of you responded with new ideas to disrupt communications at the New Company.  My wife and I considered the suggestions and came up with an awesome plan, which has now been implemented and running for at least a week.  The New Company was finally starting to understand the instructions in Esperanto, so we got our hackers to write a new module that would, like Hedy Lamarr's secret communication method, cause her to jump from language to language in a seemingly random way.  The New Company is falling behind on their translations as they don't have the key they need, and we think we will soon bring it to its figurative knees!  Thanks for your suggestions, and if you have more let me know.

I'm not twiddling my thumbs

Although twiddle has always been one of my favorite words, I would like to clarify that I am not currently simply twiddling my thumbs.  Some of my more ardent supporters seems to have cooled off after the drama of the US election, but I am making progress.  Our Esperanto project has kept the New Company from doing anything destructive, unless you count the denial of service attack they staged against the GPD offices, but that was more a stunt than an actual attack.  My operatives are keeping them on the defensive, which is good for the world, and even better for me.  If I can keep them from ruling the world I'll have a much better chance of doing it myself!

Sleep Number

Last week I made a momentous decision to choose to attempt to unite with my rivals and to rid the world of evil with their help, and I was a bit insulted when they responded by telling me I had given them an invalid sleep number.  I had, in fact, given them a sleep number I used to use: 104.  Unfortunately, since then, a new company has come up and decided that their sleep numbers will be between 0 and 100.  Much like those who argue for using the ridiculous Celsius temperature scale, they believe that people understand numbers between 0 and 100 better than they do other numbers, which is pretty silly.  Anyway, for the curious I did not let this insult deter me from my latest goal, and I have submitted my converted sleep number of 40.  I hope that makes them happy.

A decision

Ever since I declared my opposition to evil office products I have been working hard to garner the support I need to take over the world and keep everyone safe from the evils of the Parent Corporation, the Unholy Brotherhood of the Hole Punch, the New Company, and offshoots such as the Reformed Brotherhood of the Hole Punch.  I am no stranger to the damage these hole punches, brads, and evil stickers are responsible for, and what's more, I am no stranger to the tactics the purveyors of these evils use to trick unsuspecting people into becoming dependent on them.  I have, as yet, not aligned myself with any of the other anti-brad or anti-hole punch movements as I considered them imperfect.  As my wife and I have begun our own quest for world domination, however, we have realized that if we do not join forces against evil that evil will gain the upper hand before we can establish ourselves fully.  The solution we have come to, reluctantly, is to submit an application for membership in the GNU Public Dictatorship's Board of Dictators.

While it is certainly not our first choice, and we have had many disagreements with the GPD, "Natasha" and I have come to the conclusion that we can do more to change the world with their resources than we have been able to do alone.  While it means that the purity of my movement will be adulterated, if it means that evil is disadvantaged and that I am closer to my goal of world domination I am willing to take the chance.  They say they would gladly accept me if I were to join with them, so we'll see how sincere they really are!